Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
