while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
