I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
