Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
