I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
