WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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