"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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