Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
