fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
