Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
