I'm jealous of your bromance
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
