So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i just made my gag reflex go away.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
