Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
