Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
