If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
