So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize