On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
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