So drunk its hurt
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
