help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
