wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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