is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
