somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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