I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
