is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
