I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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