I think I died a long time ago.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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