I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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