I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize