Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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