He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
