I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
