He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
