I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
