Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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