I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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