There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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