Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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