How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
