By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
