we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
i think i just lost a toe
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
