Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
