Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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