...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
