I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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