Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
