he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
