God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
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