Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
