I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
