WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
two words: eviction party
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
