Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
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But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
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I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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