my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
