suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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