he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
May the power of my ass compel you!!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
