my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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