this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So vagazzling was a success
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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