this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i used baking grease as lip gloss
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Drake has all the answers
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
