i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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