Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
His nipple licking is glorious
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