Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
please come you make the beer taste better
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
