you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
