Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
