im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
