I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
