The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
