I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
