tell your sister to shave her snatch
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
