she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
