I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
